“Numinous”
By
Jeffrey
McAndrew
Father Nathan
Simone was all alone in his office. He
sat quietly and pensively as he replayed the highlights of his recent sermon in
his mind. Alone with his inner-most
thoughts, he wondered if what he was saying was really resonating with the
flock or whether he was just playing a game.
The sermon was entitled: “Knowing
Jesus in Our Life.” During his 23-minute
talk, he saw a lot of nodding heads and affirming glances. He saw those every Sunday, but were the
people really on his side? Were they
perhaps playing roles because they were socially acceptable? Did he really know Jesus or was he just playing
a part? Was he this magic medium to the
Lord or was he delusional?
A lot of good
and decent people attend the church services. Mrs. Irma Gladstein was a good example. She had
come up to him after the sermon talking about how she was so inspired by words “hope,”
“love” and “faith.” Irma was such a nice and gentle person and
lived her life with a quiet confidence, hopeful that there was a good God out
there looking out after her. The older
crowd seemed to give him the most compliments on the pastor’s sermons. Nathan kept pondering the offering of more
interesting titles for the sermons like:
“Balancing Our Human Needs” or “The Psychology of Belief” or “What TV
teaches about God.” Perhaps those titles would lead him away from
the safe and politically correct. In his
life, he had always chosen the safest path. If he wasn’t careful, he could be let himself
be badgered by the extreme right.
The good
pastor was certain he had to freshen up the church experience dramatically
someway. He was getting increasingly
anxious about keeping everyone’s interest. The church was losing about 5 members per
month and the congregation of 350 couldn’t afford such a loss. There were less and less children showing up
for church. What was it that convinced
some that church was such a bad experience for their families? There were times when the pastor felt
personally insulted by this, that some had lost faith in something bigger than
themselves. He was afraid for people
rejecting church for this vast and scary field of nothingness. He sometimes feared anyone going to hell, a
place he believed in publicly, but he had his doubts privately. The pastor’s thoughts were swirling around in
his head. Maybe he needed to add more of
a sense of humor in his sermons, he contemplated. Maybe there were other opinion leaders in the
church who were gravitating away and subtly leading the flock away from the
shepherd. He felt like he had to keep his vulnerable and
impressionable flock away from bad beliefs. When he started his work as a minister in the
1990’s he didn’t think that such angst would be part of the job. He
wished he could be rescued from this anxiety and gently led to a more innocent
kind of insouciance. Right now the church life was taking on a sort
of protean manifestation, something always changing and something hard to grasp
in its entire context.
On the
pastor’s mind to a greater degree was the increasing pressure to move out of
the awe inspiring architecture of the 115 year-old church which was recently
placed on the city of Winston, Wisconsin’s List of Historical Places. The masses of the congregation were clamoring
for a new place which was handicapped accessible. Some were perhaps in the mood for a fresh
change. There was another smaller group
of church members who urged that improvements at the downtown site would be the
best move. The pastor felt this friction
as something that could be detrimental to the long term unity of the members. The restive thoughts weighed heavily on his
conscience, tearing way at him like a cat playing with a worn out toy. The numerous gray hairs on his head were perhaps
a reminder of the stress of trying to please most of the people most of the
time. This was his Achilles Heel, trying
to make everybody happy even when his logic told him he could not.
On the top of
the pastor’s desk was a copy of a book which investigated a cult whose members
thought the world was going to end. When
the world did not end on a specified date the group did not disband. (The pastor found this interesting while some
of the members of his flock would not find it appealing.) The group was miraculously able to stay
together, apparently rationalizing elements of thought that presented a large
degree of cognitive dissonance. The
pastor would wonder if there is any connection with religious thought and how
people would hang on to these kinds of beliefs for dear life. The
book’s theory could explain why smokers kept on smoking even though they knew
it caused lung cancer. If the
individual’s self-concept is threatened enough the person would rather
rationalize rather than be rational. The
book was a present from a friend of his named Dr. Andrew Lippert. He had seen the psychiatrist for counseling
after his difficult divorce from his first wife(Leann) in the mid-1980’s. The pastor’s curious mind could not stop
reading such information. To what affect
do these concepts affect the thinking and behavior of the flock? How
intellectually honest is religion?
The
old sturdy church was perfectly quiet except for some squeaking and scrubbing
sounds emanating down the hallway near the prayer room. Johnny Cranston was the maintenance guy who
was just starting his Sunday afternoon cleaning regimen. The pastor knew Johnny to have a fine and
generous heart. Johnny was a real
person. He was the father of five
children and lived in the “rough” part of town. He was one of Nathan’s unsung heroes
because of what the pastor saw as his simple ways and caring nature. Johnny played guitar and would sing every
year at the church’s “Thanksgiving Dinner for the Homeless. “ Once when he had found out that a teen-aged
girl from Winston had been abducted and done away with by a serial killer from
Wichita, he was the first one to start a fundraiser to help the family of the
girl. He also wrote a controversial letter
to the Wichita paper stating that we should have compassion for Dennis
Pragerson’s family too. Cranston, a simple man, was not afraid to
speak his mind on the important issues, because he knew life was too short to
be wishy-washy. He wasn’t afraid of controversy if he was
speaking from his heart.
Johnny
would tell the pastor how he should go more “hard line on the sermons.” Johnny would urge the pastor to talk more
daringly about love. Also he would also
attempt to cheer up Pastor Nathan once in awhile by reciting David Letterman’s
Top-Ten List or telling a clean joke.
Hatred
stirs up dissension, but love covers over all wrongs.
Proverbs
10-12
Pastor
Nathan respected Johnny’s positive nature and it gave him great faith in human
kind. It sometimes helped motivate him
in his sermons. He would end all
sermons with “Remember God loves you and
so do I.” He would quote Kahil Gibran quite often in
his sermons but some of the church members thought it was a little
excessive. Sometimes the sermons would
have quite an international flavor.
Pastor could feel the poignant pressure, the ubiquitous force to speak
the will of God, but also felt the pressure to be safe and within the bounds of
political correctness. What a trapeze
act, a fine line to walk sometimes! As
long as the sermons were about love what was the worry about?
When
you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the
heart of God.” And think not you can
direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your
course.
The
Bible
One
of the African American members of the Congregation gave the pastor a
painting entitled “The Beauty of
Truth.” The multi-colored painting
showing a group of people with multifarious cultural heritages singing took
Shonte Robinson a month to complete.
Pastor Nathan displayed this captivating picture behind his desk in his
church office next to a poster which stated the ELCA mission of the Stephen
Ministry.
On
top of his desk was a copy of a book “To Love and To Be Loved” by Sam Keen and
a paper from an old college friend named Robert John Collins. The paper investigated the philosophy of
Immanuel Kant and how it contrasts with the ideas of Christianity. There was a poster on the wall of Martin
Luther King Junior showing the orator in the midst of compassionate oratory during
the “I Have a Dream” speech in Washington, with the caption that read, “What
are you teaching your children?” On a small book shelf near the east corner of
the room was “The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran.
This was one of his favorite books. On the
bottom of the lay more heavy hitters like Camus, Socrates, Kafka and Des
Cartes. The middle rack contained books by one of his
favorite nature writers Margaret Lathrop and by psychiatrist Dr. Andrew Lippert. He loved when Lathrop would talk about “the glorious beauty of God’s blessed world”
and about her sacred walks through nearby Hobbs Woods.
Lippert had written two books
about autistic savants and had many followers at his webite called: www.drlippert.com
. There were also a whole host of motivational
books on the shelf as well, including books by Dr. Wayne Dyer, Leo Buscaglia,
Brian Tracy and Denis Waitley. The
pastor credited the writings of Keen, Gibran, Waitley and Dyer for getting him
through very tough parts of his life in his early 20’s when he was married to
Leann who had some severe emotional problems.
A friend also stepped in and talked some sense into him and the marriage
ended before the couple had children after 11 months. Reading helped him sort his many, many
thoughts out during this disturbing, disorienting and confusing period. He also liked a recent book called “Tolstoy
in the Purple Chair” about a woman who read a book every day for a year. The book gave some great anecdotal evidence
for the power of bibliotherapy.
We
need the books that affect us like a disaster, that grieve us deeply, like the
death of someone we loved more than ourselves , like being banished into
forests far from everyone, like a suicide.
A book must be the ax for the frozen sea inside us.
Franz
Kafka
On
the east wall of the pastor’s office was a poster with a beautiful ocean
sunset, with a poem of Mary Oliver’s superimposed over the scene:
MYSTERIES, YES
Truly, we live with
mysteries too marvelous
to be understood.
How grass can be
nourishing in the
mouths of the lambs.
How rivers and stones are
forever
in alliance with gravity
while we ourselves dream
of rising.
How two hands touch and
the bonds
will never be broken.
How people come, from
delight or the
scars of damage,
to the comfort of a poem.
Let me keep my distance,
always, from those
who think they have the
answers.
Let me keep company always
with those who say
"Look!" and
laugh in astonishment,
and bow their heads.
Sometimes
the weight of the world would seem to fall down upon Pastor Nathan. He would counsel people addicted to alcohol,
people with bad marriages, people on the cusp of financial disaster, people who
hurt the ones they love and people with a spiritual malaise of some kind. He
would call it a sense of spiritual ennui.
Such a variety of concerns, and
such intense pressure to do the right thing…this would cause the pastor to stay
awake at nights. He wasn’t always sure
he was doing the right thing or saying the right thing, but he tried to learn from
his mistakes. He would pray to himself for God to grant him
the ability to always see beauty and truth and to show him the right way in
life.
Beauty
is not an image you would see nor a song you would hear, but rather an image
you see though you close your eyes and a song you hear though you shut your ears. Beauty is eternity gazing at itself in a
mirror. But you are eternity and you are
the mirror.
It was
Saturday and Pastor Nathan was wondering how he could make his sermons more
modern. He sometimes found himself even
searching Youtube for sermons, and looking at what his favorite political
heroes were saying. He found the famous
RFK speech following Martin Luther King Junior’s death very, very
inspiring. Hope is the belief that
suffering may have a higher purpose and surely Robert F. Kennedy and MLK were stronger in death than they were in
life. There were so many people
suffering in his congregation that he sometimes he felt like Holden Caulfield
in “The Catcher in the Rye.” With much clarity, courage and compassion,
the pastor was like a shepherd helping to steer a suffering flock in the right
direction. He was there for the express
purpose of keeping them from falling over the edge of the cliff. Sometimes he felt thoroughly unequipped to
deal with people suffering in bad marriages, to minister to those who have lost
loved ones, to those who feel lost in general, or to those who have been shocked by loved
ones who after all these years say they don’t love them in return. He would talk to people about how they might
learn from the pain and how God may be speaking through difficult
situations. He was good at using his
comforting voice to get people to feel more comfortable with their life challenges
and issues.
3 Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Matthew 5:3-12
There must be some meaning to
this suffering in the real world, thought the middle-aged pastor. There
is so much pain out there. People need
to understand their lives in a much greater context. It’s almost too much pressure for a 51 year-old
minister to face. A lot of courage needs
to be conjured up and received from somewhere. All these suffering people, with no apparent
resolutions to their inner angst, family conflicts, and we are all left to
wonder about. It seemed like there were
too many questions. Where does this power of love come from? The Bible told him it was Jesus and God, but
in his darkest moments he was not sure what the answers were.
Pastor Nathan’s day was busy,
and Thanksgiving was coming up soon. His
church was responsible for feeding nearly 500 economically disadvantaged
members of the community on that day. He
had volunteer coordinators at church but he was the guy who had to ensure that
everything was done right and on time. Things would fall apart if he wasn’t checking
in with the coordinators all of the time.
During Thanksgiving weekend he
would also balance his family needs with the needs of his congregation. He would be celebrating Saturday with his
brother William and family at a small town called Tines in southern Wisconsin. What made this meeting so interesting was
that most of William’s family were agnostics or atheists. So far there were no protracted arguments at
holidays which would put people at odds.
Everyone had to be very careful not to offend. William, a very sensitive man, one year younger
than Nathan, is a lawyer with his own
small office on the town’s Main Street.
He handles many different kinds of cases and people in town respect him
for his great objectivity, compassion and skill. His religion (or lack of it) doesn’t come up
as a topic of conversation very often. The
respect people have for him appears to be just too great to bring religion into
the picture.
The pastor had to prepare for a
funeral on Monday. A faithful member of
the flock, Suzanne Mann, had passed away Friday at her home after a bitter
battle with pancreatic cancer. Suzanne
was a member of the Winston Bird Club and a neighborhood bridge club. Unlike her husband, she was a liberal
democrat who watched a lot of MSNBC. Her
husband would vote Republican in close to 100-percent of elections. Her
husband Victor was a small business
owner and avid hunter who was excited about concealed carry becoming law next
week on November 2nd. He was almost a polar opposite of pastor and
his liberal instincts. The pastor once
had a nightmare that Mr. Mann charged the podium and shot him calling him
“liberal slime.” Victor Mann made the
pastor nervous, maybe for a good reason.
Pastor had also had trouble with Mr. Mann making inappropriate comments
to some of his female employees and had been to court for two cases because of
these issues. He was never charged with
anything, but most in the neighborhood knew he ran is mouth off with sexist
comments too often. Many also suspected
Victor of spray painting anti-Muslim on the wall of the public library shortly
after 9-11. No one was arrested. The library director was given police
protection for a couple of weeks after the incident mainly because of some of
the harsh words left in a letter. Six-foot,
six inches tall, and barrel-chested, and sporting a 1940’s style crew cut,
Victor was quite an intimidating physical presence. He was
also a devoted member of The Tea Party.
On the front of the church
leaflet dedicated to Suzanne was the Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi. The pastor liked this one and recommended it
at most funerals. According to Pastor
Nathan, this prayer has a lot to say about seeing most any situation in a
positive manner.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury,pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Pastor felt compelled to keep in an error-free service as he
knew Victor would be upset if anything was missed or out of order. It was times like these that made Pastor
nervous about the details. Nathan would
rehearse the steps of this one a little more than most services. There
were so many hoops to go through to ensure that every step was followed
perfectly. He was growing tired of this
punctiliousness, this meticulousness that was worshipped perhaps too much in
religion. Why does everything have to be
so perfect? Shouldn’t the general
direction and the meaning of the service be more important than all details
being 100-percent correct? Pastor
Nathan firmly believed that religion was on a higher rung than politics. He was afraid of the vituperative nature of
politics and was certain there was a kindness to religion that couldn’t be
broken by modern society. Lately
the pastor had overdosed on MSNBC . For some reason Martin Bashir was starting
to make him angry lately. He couldn’t
explain why.
On the schedule today was a
meeting with the cantankerous Willy Sunder.
Sunder enjoyed questioning the pastor on deep philosophical
questions. He was the town humanist who
prided himself on getting the last word, more importantly for him, the last
rhetorical question. He would right
these letters to the editor that fully explained his scientific and
non-spiritual views. Many people in
town thought he was a “nutbag.” There
was a knock on the door. Sunder was 20
minutes early. Pastor Nathan let go of
his notepad and rose to greet the Sunder’s large warm hand.
“I was in the neighborhood and
realized we were meeting today. I hope
you don’t mind that I’m a little early.”
Willy continued, “Pastor, you look like you
could use another cup of Folgers.”
Nathan replied, “I think so, it’s been a long week!”
Willy says, “I’m here to
challenge you with all of my silly questions pastor!” “I would expect nothing less,” retorted Pastor Nathan. “What’s on your mind? How are Lilly and the kids?” “Great!
Lilly’s a little bossy, but I love her with all my heart.”
Willy starts in. “I’ve come here
to express doubts. How can there be a
supreme being who hears all of our thoughts?
How can there be a supernatural
being who knows all of my dreams, all of my intentions, all of my dark
secrets, all the sins I’ve committed?”
“It still seems impossible.”
Pastor Nathan replied, “I think
that faith requires an extra level of trust, trust that there is a
caring and guiding force that can help us along the way, can aid us when we need
extra support, something which adds meaning in difficult times.”
“How could a God exist when he
let my Uncle Charlie die? He just
started passing out and his friend Cal would find him on the bathroom
floor.” He went through some very
frustrating time in the nursing home before he died. He was totally helpless at the end. It was tough to see. He would order his best friends and relatives
out of the room. My father thought it
was because he was paranoid, but I don’t think that wanted people to see him in
that weakened state. Why does God make
the end of life painful for some more than others? I just don’t get it.”
Pastor chimes in, “I don’t know, but only God
knows the way and we just have to take the leap of faith and trust in him. We are not alone because Christ’s love is
with us all of the time. All we have to
do is relax and turn to Christ’s love and we’ll be fine. People don’t realize how easy it is to turn
to a life of love and peace.” “For
those who believe in Christ, he is a strong influence, for those who doubt, he
is harder to find. We must be looking
for God in order to find God. It is that
simple.”
Sunder was a member of the
Saturday morning Bible study, headed by lay minister Tim Reeble. Tim found God when he recovered from alcohol
and drug abuse. He lost his wife and
family and then started burglarizing liquor stores before being caught. He was ordered into treatment at Wilde House for 90 days and he said it changed his life
when he experienced the loving touch of Jesus.
He said it was quite a revelation that he was living his life
incorrectly for the first 15-thousand 439 days of his life. Sunder admired Reeble’s courage and
fortitude. Reeble was also a success
story because only about 10-percent of the addicts admitted to Wilde House were
able to succeed.
“Where’s God for the 90-percent
of the people who go back and start drinking after being admitted to
treatment?” Willy continues, “Tim’s a success story for
sure, but who is looking out for the rest of them?” Pastor replies, “I don’t know, but I do know
that God works at his own pace and in his own mysterious ways. God will test us but will probably let us do
most of the work.”
“I’ve been reading Richard
Dawkins, Christopher Hitchens and Sam Harris lately and it seems there is a
logical reason for religion, but in some sense it is outdated. It’s like this friendly anachronism. People need to create their own forms of
spirituality that will fit better with realities of the modern times. It is difficult to take the leap of faith
because I don’t want to assume anything about what I don’t understand. What about your autistic son? Do you think God brought him on Earth and
made a lesson for you? Do think there is a reason for your son Will
who has a mental age of one or two? He
is fifteen and still cannot toilet himself appropriately. Is there a lesson from God from this or is it
just random? I don’t mean to be mean or
inappropriate, but how does you spirituality help you or hinder you in the
understanding of this?”
Willy continues, “Look at quantum mechanics, how does that
relate to the extinct language of the Bible?
We need radical new ways to be spiritual. Science gives us new ways of thinking and
looking at the world. It seems to me
that there need to be changes, radical changes in the way we worship. There is a question whether or not we need
religion at all. Hitchens would argue
that religion poisons everything, that it is a subtly pernicious element and a
lower form of thinking that is in the end harmful. How do you counsel someone like me? Am I too tough to handle?”
Pastor Nathan takes a deep
breath and looks at Willy. He was
wondering if it was ever fair to bring up his son Will who had to be placed in
a group home at the age of 12. Willy
sits back in his chair in a semi-defensive posture, like a lawyer ready for the
judge to read the results at trial. “I
think your questions are good and you are asking questions that challenge your
faith. Faith is not something that can
be categorized or labeled. It cannot be
strictly defined. It cannot be pigeon
holed into a precise scientific certainty.
Much of what drives faith is the tension between certainty and
uncertainty. Taking the leap of faith is
a way to dedicate oneself to something bigger than oneself. Even though we are not sure what that is, it
is our intuitive, creative side that needs to help us out here. Using a scientific analogy, physicists do not know how big the universe
is and struggle with the concept of infinity.
Religion says there is a bigger answer that we cannot define and that it
is OK to live with the questions.”
Willy quips, “I respectfully
disagree. I think religion has all these
rules that cut off curiosity. They have
ready-made answers for the ignorant, so that those who are not informed can
bask in the false light of false answers.
That’s how I see it.” Pastor
Nathan responds, “A lot of atheists look at religion and see it as inane
conformity adding up to nothing, an extinct form of thinking that leads to
irrational and silly conclusions.
However, when looking at it from an individualistic point of view, Jesus was radically positive when it came to
standing up for morality. What makes
Jesus interesting is the tension caused by Jesus’s creative non-conformist
stand. They didn’t believe him and so
they killed him, when in fact he was all about forgiveness and seeing the good
in everyone. The crucifixion is the
ultimate in irony. How interesting is it
to you that someone may have died for your sins?”
Willy jumps in, “I don’t see why
someone has to go up on a cross and die a painful death just to make a
point. Christ could have expressed his
passion in civil discourse and not rocking the boat so much. It could be argued that Christ was delusional
and would be classified as mentally ill in this day and age. There are a couple people in almost every
mental hospital in the United States who think they are Christ. This megalomania is not healthy and if
Christianity drives some to mental illness it is not a smart long-term
direction to be going in.”
The pastor with a more concerned
look continues, “Again, it is a poignantly personal journey we embark on when
we decide to give it all the Jesus. We
shed the skin of our old selves and we become new again. We become new men as C.S. Lewis once said. We are brand new because we are profoundly
touched by the love and profound care of Christ. Much of the Bible speaks in analogies. It is not literal and those who cannot
understand it most of the time take it to literally and then turn around and
demonize the entire book. It’s all
about your personal spiritual journey and what ‘float s your boat.’ If secularism is enough for you fine…but
consider what you may or would be leaving out of your world view. “
Willy possibly feigning looking
more student-like, “I understand you
want to have me consider the entire picture, but I cannot get out of my mind
that religion is hiding its head in the sand because it is afraid. Science is not afraid of the questions. Science is the poetry of reality. It thrives on reality. I know that religion helps people but is it
reinforcing ignorance instead of truth?
I don’t buy this whole thing of there being a celestial parent in the
sky who knows all of our thoughts.
There is no evidence to suggest that this is even close to being true. Christianity
is a failed mythology that serves no purpose other than to justify horrible
wars, make people feel false importance
and superior, and help warped and unscrupulous people make tons of cash. ”
The pastor chimes in, “The
author you like, Chris Hitchens, is
pretty impressed with himself.
It
was a 47-minute visit with Willy. Usually his sessions were longer, but for
some reason Nathan had learned to tolerate them. They were interesting because there were
topics with Willy that would never come up in the church socials, coffee
clutches, and Christian book club meetings.
His talks with Willy were almost a guilty pleasure and he once had a
dream that God struck him dead from a lightning bolt after a one of his
God/anti-God talks with Willy. He felt
guilty about thinking about atheism for too long. The church could supply the answers and why
step out into the woods to ask the questions all over again? Talking with Willy made the pastor feel
humble and out of his comfort zone.
Maybe more growth was possible outside of that zone.
Pastor Nathan felt like his life
was meaningful but the politics of the church was starting to drag him
down. There was such a pressure to
build, build, build. There were
committees on top of committees,
schedules , and important people to meet because they were wealthy and
contributors to the church. In his
private thoughts, Nathan felt bad that church was too much about money and not
enough about people. He thought about
the history of the church over the past hundreds of years and how he had read
about the religion’s efforts to stifle free inquiry. There was something wrong about pouring over
an ancient book and pretending that the words were holy and true after so many
years.
He
had many private thoughts that people would be shocked about if they knew. It was like Sigmund Freud’s Id that needed
to be guarded constantly. These private
thoughts also told him sometimes that the universe could be a gigantic pile of
nothingness, complete randomness without a creator. He was afraid to think about the horrible
nothingness without a supreme being, without these fables to protect him,
without Mommy and Daddy in the sky. How could it be? How could Nathan hold two such opposite
thoughts, juxtaposed in one brain? Part
of his mind thought faith is salvation and part of his mind was beginning to
believe that science, reason and compassion was the true candle in the
darkness.
What
about miracles? Willy didn’t believe in
them, and neither did his brother William, a big Richard Dawkins fan. Pastor Nathan was most fascinated with what
writer Margaret Lathrop said about miracles, that just our existence is a
miracle. The fact that the natural world
could be such a fascinating puzzle with everything from atoms to black holes was what convinced
Margaret that there was so much more.
She felt that the ebullience and magnificent beauty of the universe was
the best evidence for miracles. It was
the concept of miracles but not in the way most theologians perceived it. It was miracles minus the many rules of
organized religion. Nathan once read a
book by Richard Dawkins but would never admit to the congregation members he
did.
Pastor
Nathan was also fascinated with some of the smartest authors and speakers. He noticed on line that there was a list of
the top public intellectuals. They
included some names that many people in his congregation would call libs. Names like Paul Krugman, Al Gore, Noah Chomsky, Peter Singer, Daniel
Dennett, Steven Pinker, Richard Posner, Naomi
Klein, Camille Paglia and Christopher Hitchens came up on that list. He felt a little humbled by these scholars,
but felt troubled that many were atheists.
Dennett would call himself a freethinker. Pastor thought “freethinker” may be going
overboard politically, but was deeply troubled by the cognitive dissonance
caused by thinking such thoughts. Here
he was in a free country, but feeling troubled by thinking these forbidden
thoughts. Something did not make
sense. Not enough about the world made
sense. He was 51 and still having
thoughts like this.
It was
a week later now in the month of December of 2011. Pastor was exiting his light green Prius and
stepping into the parking lot. He saw a
note half frozen in the snow and ice near one of his snow tires. It was handwritten and appeared to include
some bullet points and signatures. It
was ominous from the start as it contained much of the writing in red. The
half-crumpled piece of notepaper contained bullet points :
·
Pastor has humanistic tendencies which are
dangerous for the future of the church.
He listens to indie bands like “The National” and “Comsat Angels” on his
Walkman. He has freethinking tendencies. He is ultimately dangerous.
·
Pastor had a failed marriage 20 years ago which
does not model a positive lifestyle.
·
Pastor is overly empathetic with gay and lesbian
issues and was seen protesting at several LGBT demonstrations. This is totally unacceptable. He MUST live within the politically correct
rules of the church.
·
Pastor does not mention enough from scripture,
seems to follow his own rules too much during sermons. His touchy-feely love stuff doesn’t do
anything for our more serious members.
·
Some sermons contain inappropriate material such
as quotes from non-believers like Christopher Hitchens and Richard
Dawkins. One of his Bible studies
centered on the universe and Carl Sagan.
All members of this church do not believe in evolution or this outer
space stuff. There is no concrete
evidence that the Earth is more than 10-thousand years old. Someone must have created us. Evolution does not make sense. How can non-life spring to life? Pastor
Nathan’s attitude is that of a doubter, not a positive person with hope and
faith and that is quite sad and unfortunate.
Special committee needs to vote at secret meeting to replace the
pastor. No confidence vote must be two
thirds of the committee of twelve(eight members).
The
words tore through Nathan’s mind. It was
like that realization that you were on the verge of being fired from a job you
have been so proud of for so many years.
He felt like his life might go into a tailspin. He wondered who his true friends were in the
church community and how many enemies that he has that he is not even aware
of. He always felt kind of like the Catcher in the
Rye, helping guide people, and saving them before they fell off the cliff. Now it felt like all the sheep had knives and
doubted the cognitive dissonance necessary for church leadership. Life is very complicated.
Maybe he needed to talk to Dave
White. White is a certified clinical
psychologist who specializes in depression, aging and marriage issues. He had helped the pastor 14 years ago when
his wife had a stroke that left her partially paralyzed. She was not the same woman after the
stroke. When she was in pain she was
mean and very unlikeable. Her kindness
seemed to evaporate and she was very needy for the last six months of her life,
before she had the heart attack which killed her. She had died right in her sleep next to
Nathan. He never had time to say goodbye
and it was too sad for words. While Dr. White also owned a Christian bent that
would be asking him to stay within the constriction of Christian rules he would
also have a good-hearted nature helping
him at another crisis juncture of his life.
He pondered the possibilities of what could happen with this rogue wing
of the church throwing complaints his way. In their eyes, he probably could do no right. He liked the Leroy Niemann sports pictures in
his counseling office and his sepia colored blackbirds in the gold frame. He had a Monet-like painting of a field of azaleas and a long walkway at a beautiful resort called The Bay Shore
Inn. Azaleas could be such beautiful
flowers, a prized member of the of the genus Rhododendron.
He felt an immense sense of comfort
there on the couch where he was free to use all of his intellect and to common
on the totality of life’s situations. He
could spew anything and not be afraid when Dave White was there. He would accept everything he said in a very
Rogerian manner, and then gently reflecting back to him words of perspective. Pastor Nathan needed that soft and kind
assurance now more than ever because life was closing in on him now and he was
beginning to feel like the time 14 years ago when his wife Wendy had the stroke
that made her so mean. Hurting people sometimes hurt others. That’s
just a fact of life. Nathan had these re-occurring pangs of guilt,
even after Wendy was gone that he had not taken care of her enough during the
last six months, that he had not listened to her enough, had not gone far
enough out of himself into her chaotic world.
Dave White would reassure him that he was honoring his marriage vows
with Wendy by being the best husband that he could ever be.
Pastor Nathan remained
fascinated in awe over faith’s numinous quality, that it had this ability to be
compelling but at the same time induce a great amount of fear. This fear of the unknown was not
quantifiable, not clear. He did feel in
communion with something, with something holy, something big but not easily
defined.
The literature of religious experience abounds in references
to the pains and terrors overwhelming those who have come, too suddenly, face
to face with some manifestation of the mysterium tremendum. In theological
language, this fear is due to the in-compatibility between man's egotism and
the divine purity, between man's self-aggravated separateness and the infinity
of God.
Aldous Huxley
Nathan also remembered how the late
Carl Sagan would say in interviews that mankind must be able to separate the
numinous from the religious. (Maybe that
was a subject he could peruse with Dave White.)
In his mind he knew that
human reason is incapable of providing sufficient rational grounds to justify
knowledge of whether God exists or does not.
This seemed like a more agnostic view of life. With
all the tragedy in life, how could there be a God? As Leo Buscaglia once said, “God must have a
sense of humor about the world, just look around you!”
Cognitive
dissonance continued to eat at Nathan like a bad smell in a crowd that
everybody notices but says nothing about.
God had to exist, yet he cannot.
Religion all of the sudden seemed man-made and somewhat contrived and
Nathan was left in the grips of the dissonance only to be welcomed by a very
empty sense of existentialism. He remembered his philosophy classes at
Tilden College, and Professor Arthur C. Dent’s favorite writer….The early 19th
century philosopher Søren Kierkegaard is widely
regarded as the father of existentialism who believed, like Buscaglia, that
every day be lived passionately and sincerely, in spite of many strange obstacles and absurd
distractions. It was the individual who
is responsible for ascribing life its meaning and no one else. Pastor
Nathan would likely do some things that he did when situations got tough. His predilection for J.S. Bach would most
likely take over and he would starting reading Sam Keen in his easy chair. There was something about the writings of
Keen that would settle his mind. He
would avoid any books by Christopher Htichens because that would unsettle
him. It was the Toccata and Fugue in D
Minor and the Fugue in G Minor BWV 578, and of course the celebrated work of
Jesu Joy of Man’s Desire. There was
Mozart’s scintillating French Horn Concerto for Horn. He especially liked Radek Baborak and his
numinous interpretation and performance on Number 3. Concerto Number 3 that started off with the
numinous French Horn. He particularly
like the version with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra with Sir George Solti. Listening to classical music would propel him
into another world. He would be able to
get sacredly in touch with the profound, the peaceful and the numinous. He would be able to get away from the noise
of the everyday world, the trivial car horns, telephone rings, the yelling in
the street and the blare of TV commercials.
Oh, how our pastor hated TV commercials. Nathan knew in his heart that he could get in
touch with God and that he could act and think like a good person for the glory
of the ultimate level of morality, but his mind said “no.”
“So
whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians
10:31
The
spiritual part of the religious leader beckoned to him with irreducible
complexity. How could molecules begin
forming and multiplying into DNA or RNA or any of the basic building blocks of
life? This seemed to be the central
question. How could non-life just
spontaneously combine into some sort of life and molecules that replicate
themselves. Was God the first
mover? If there was a first mover, who
created the first mover? Does the
universe play games with cause and effect so humans cannot understand? Why did Einstein believe in God? These thoughts could be very troubling but
were indeed fascinating at the same time.
Was the tempestuous logic necessary to side with science necessary, or
do we throw up our hands and say that God did it? There
appeared no way to amalgamate science and religion. They seem to be like oil and water. As the flock was threatening a mutiny on the
ship, Pastor Nathan felt a strange sense of sorrow for the apparent ignorance
and anger of the masses. He felt he had
the responsibility to give them hope and a sense of trust in the future in any
way he could muster it. This was not
going to be an easy journey. As a matter
of fact, it would be painful perhaps beyond thresholds he has experienced
before.
He felt an
acute responsibility to give the flock direction, to be that grounding force of
spirituality, that ever-solid rock and foundation for positive thinking. Some in the flock had lost their way like
Dave Navison, who left the church for the Church of Scientology. He felt that he was making some headway a
couple of years ago with Dave, until he decided to head off to California and
join an L. Ron Hubbard group in the
Glendale area. Eight months later, Dave
was dead. Pastor Nathan started to
think how vulnerable people are when they are not reasoned into something. They can be manipulated every which way. Scientology
apparently asserts that people have hidden abilities which have not yet been
fully realized and is able to swoop in and grab people’s souls like they were a
business commodity. It is
believed that increased spiritual awareness and physical benefits are
accomplished through counseling sessions referred to as auditing. What is auditing anyway? It sounds so mechanical and not personal at
all. Through auditing, it is said that people can
solve their problems and free themselves of what are engrams. Pastor Nathan thought about the crazy faith
system’s utopian aim to "clear the planet", a world in which everyone
has cleared themselves of their engrams.
There is nothing scientific, it seemed, about scientology which is
apparently the ultimate irony. He would
always hate Scientology with a passion because of the terrible things, the
irreversible things it did to his friend and church member Dave Navison. How truly tragic that a belief system could
lead to suicide? The worse problem is
that Dave’s suicide also led to the suicide of his son Ryan. Ryan was 16 and didn’t understand why his Dad(his
idol) would take his own life. Two
weeks later, Ryan was dead…a true victim of suicide contagion, an extremely
dangerous demon indeed. He thought about how a belief system could
lead to a contagion and how it could spread like wild fire. He read in the encyclopedia about how
42-percent of successful suicides were caused by this evil contagion . There was a pernicious and irrational thing
going on that could not be completely articulated, but the cause was a belief
system. God may be the problem. Poor Dave Navison.
Fred
Kramer, another member of the congregation, was almost the polar opposite of
someone who could be falling for such spiritual garbage. He played guitar once in awhile at church,
but most interesting were his secular songs like “Nature is Here,” “Our Love is Metaphysical,” “You Brought Song
into My Life,” and “Warm Embrace.”
Fred’s songs assured Pastor Nathan that was a wealth of music outside
the realm of the church that could be connected to, that there was spirituality
all over the place literally. In
“MetaPhysical” Fred would talk about
“loving each other in the middle of our hearts.” These were lyrics that only Fred could
conjure up in his loving and compassionate way. If there was anybody he could trust in the
middle of this church controversy it was Fred, because Fred was wonderful and
accepting. Mike Tarnicle would be
another person he could trust. He grew
up in New England and loved beer and clam chowder. They would have coffee at Starbucks once in
awhile to talk about the meaning of life and all of that great stuff. Mike was also a guitar player who played
with the great Wanda Houston in college and had a great and wonderful singer/
idol named Mavis Staples. He once met
Staples at a concert many years ago and she said it’s great when you sing because
you “make the world a better place.”
He even wrote a song about that, a simple chording version on his guitar
called “A Better Place.” Mike Tarnicle
was that common sense guy, with a rock solid foundation based on reality. He would also be good to consult during this
time of trouble and turbulence. Mike and
Pastor Nathan would also talk about their favorite business motivators like
Harvey Mc Kay, Stephen Covey and Brian Tracy.
Mike was the manager of a cable company call center in Wisconsin for
many years and was an expert at customer service and treated each person he met
with great respect. They would also
talk about their favorite actors like Dustin Hoffman, Olivier, Angelica Huston,
Sean Penn and Glenn Close. They both
shared a favorite comedian. His name is
Robin Williams.
Pastor
thought about how Dr. Wayne Dyer had motivated him early on in life with books
like: “Your Erroneous Zones” and “Pulling Your Own Strings.” Now
he was beginning to look like a tragic caricature of himself. He appeared to be pandering to the masses
without sharing any intellectual honesty. Too much of the message was tuning out all
negative thoughts and thinking only positive thoughts, which seemed to
oversimplify life which was more nuanced.
Sometimes feeling depressed temporarily
is the most realistic and what Dyer is selling us is false hope. Does he know this at some deep level or is
there a level of self-delusion? If so,
how deep does the self-delusion go? He
was beginning to see Dyer more as a salesman than someone who wants to truly
help people. He saw a Youtube video of
Deepak Chopra talking to Richard Dawkins and Dawkins expressing how Chopra had
“hijacked quantum physics.” Chopra was
now looking like a scam artist instead of someone truly out to help people in
need.
Maybe Willy
Sunder was right. It could be more moral
to have doubts and intellectual honesty.
Was it better to be humble and to use the scientific method to
understand the world or to wallow in group spirituality speak? Suddenly he thought of religion as arrogant
and somewhat bombastic, as a sorry attempt to explain anything meaningful. Was
religion just producing incantations for a brainwashing purpose? What was the difference between his local
church and a cult? Was religion putting
ideations forward that are new and challenging or just replaying the old ideas
over and over and over again? He couldn’t understand why everyone was
nodding their head but didn’t quite know the answer. They pretended to know but maybe they didn’t
really know at all. Suddenly religion
seemed too glittery, an amalgamation of smoke and mirrors meant to tantalize
the masses, the opiate therein meant to honor tradition and only tradition,
responsive to trepidation not truth, answering to shared lies instead of hidden
fears. It was everyone lying. Why can’t we be positive without God?
Pastor Nathan
had flashbacks of thoughts about when Carl Ottum(another very conservative
member of the church) said he had no backbone.
He berated him for close to twenty minutes saying that he was too
laidback to lead a church and that it was joke that he got into any leadership
position. He said that “being a nice
guy” was not enough, that he had to have a moral fiber, a backbone built on the
word of Christ. It was like this big
secret and the only one not knowing was the pastor.
Repentance
In was a warm March, warmer than it had been
in the last 100 years. The past two weeks, the temperature was hovering in the
mid-70’s and the normal high was closer to 40.
It may, in fact, be some partial evidence for global warming, which most
of the church didn’t want to believe.
Sunday March 4th, 2012 was a meeting called “Repentance.” There was to be a panel of church leaders
asking questions to the pastor and then making a decision on whether or not he
should be expelled from the church. Someone had put a pernicious and partially
misspelled poem in the pastor’s mailbox recently telling him to repent or he
would go to hell. The pastor was
starting to get nervous about the meeting to which he was called by seven members
of the church board. These people were
serious as a heart attack. It
was three months since he found that frightening letter in the parking lot and
now the agenda items were there for all to see.
The members were concerned that the pastor has “humanistic tendencies
which are dangerous for the future of the church.” The bullet points listed for the meeting
were:
·
He listens to indie bands like on his
Walkman. He has freethinking tendencies
and sometimes does not have respect for church rules. We believe that he may be ultimately
dangerous. Some of these bands may have
demonic origins which church goers should shun.
·
Pastor had a failed marriage 20 years ago which
does not model a positive lifestyle.
·
Pastor seemingly overly empathetic/sympatheic
with gay and lesbian issues and was seen protesting at several LGBT
demonstrations. This is totally
unacceptable. There is no evidence that he is gay, but this must be stopped
immediately. He MUST live within the
politically correct rules of the church.
·
Pastor does not mention enough from scripture,
seems to follow his own rules too much during sermons. His touchy-feely love stuff doesn’t do
anything for our more serious members.
Rumor has it that he may be trying more risky material based on Wayne
Dyer, Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson and some of the new age
profiteers.
·
Some sermons contain inappropriate material such
as quotes from non-believers like Christopher Hitchens, Neil DeGrasse Tyson,
Bill Nye and Richard Dawkins. One of
his Bible studies centered on the universe and Carl Sagan. All members of this church do not believe in
evolution or this wacky outer space stuff.
There is no concrete evidence that the Earth is more than 10-thousand
years old. Someone must have created
us. Evolution does not make sense. How can non-life spring to life? Pastor Nathan’s attitude is ultimately the attitude of a doubter, not a positive person with hope and
faith and that is quite sad and unfortunate.
·
Pastor was also overheard making derisive
comments about Fox News in one of his meetings.
We feel that some of his sloppy political comments are not always
conducive the atmosphere of a church environment. He
was also overheard making a derisive comment about 7 year-old Holly Everson, who was playing
special music last month. He said
that “the poor girl was off-key.” How
despicable!
The
chairs were aligned perfectly in the conference room A. Mr. Everson was sitting a long rectangular
table up front beneath the large picture of Jesus Christ. The room was antiseptic, recently cleaned as
a matter of fact. Eugene Everson
opens up the conversation.
“Do you
know why you are here?” states
Everson. In rather subtly lambastic
undertones, Everson probes further,
“You are here so we can determine your long-term fitness for the
job. We have some concerns that you are
not fit. Especially troubling, and many
would agree, is that you have these free-thinking tendencies that upset the
flock so to speak. As a pastor you are
not always free to speak your mind and you must be very judicious and tactful
in how you present yourself. We have a
concern that you are falling away from the expected professionalism needed in
this office. This is a very tough job,
and sometimes we’re concerned that you are not the best fit for the job. Do you understand?”
Pastor
Nathan carries only one thing with him and that is a copy of “The Prophet” by
Kahlil Gibran.
I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor.
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor.
Simon and Garfunkel
The
pastor looked at the members at the table.
There was Dave Denning (the word carver), Thomas Steinbrenner(the lawyer), Charles Biehl(the reformed alcoholic and
member of the Stephen Ministry), Phil Connelly(the car dealer on Monteith
Street), Bernice Benke(the local
politician), and the Gladys Smith(the librarian) and Chris Bielke( the music
director).
Nathan
states to the committee, “It is absolutely imperative, as you and I understand,
that I act out of love instead of vengeance or hate when executing the duties of this office. A good book by Kahlil Gibran has a not to say
about the power of love across many contexts, including the one we exist in
now. Pastor reads aloud from “The
Prophet.”
He threshes you to make
you naked.
He sifts you to free you
from your husks.
He grinds you to
whiteness.
He kneads you until you
are pliant;
And then he assigns you
to his sacred bread for God’s sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.
All these things shall
love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in
that knowledge become a
fragment of Life’s heart.
“During your interrogation of me today, all I
ask is that you treat me as Christ would.
That’s all I’m asking,” states Nathan.
The car dealer’s eyes light up before he
speaks, “There you go with the weird shit again. This is the example of the problem we have
with you sometimes. You veer into such
strange directions. I sometimes think
you need some psychological help. We
just think that some of the church members are comfortable to a certain degree
but not comfortable with these strange new directions you sometimes take us in.
This Kale Gibbons guy you quote all the time, why him and not the word of God
from our Bible? ”
Pastor
Nathan, “I’m far from having a prosecutorial complex, but it does appear that I face some agendas here. What is wrong with quoting Kahlil Gibran
once in awhile?
Mrs. Benke
chimes in, “Because he is a Muslim or something like that, and we don’t that
kind of thinking around here, that’s for sure.
I get enough of that crap from the communist guy who works at Decker’s
Grocery Mart. For the love of
God!”
The preacher
retorts, “It’s precisely for that reason that I preach to you guys each Sunday,
so that I may most accurately reflect the word and the world of God. This may bother some of you, but Sigmund
Freud once said something about the purpose of life being ‘to love and to
work.’ If you don’t mind I would like to read a passage from ‘The
Prophet’ that underlines the importance of being in love with what you work and
what you love.”
It is to weave the cloth with threads
drawn from your heart, even as if your beloved were to wear the cloth.
It is to build a house with affection,
even as if our beloved where to dwell in that house.
It is to sow seeds with tenderness and
reap the harvest with joy, even as if
your beloved where to eat the fruit.
It is to charge all things you fashion
with a breath of your own spirit.
And it is to know that all of the
blessed dead are standing about you and watching.
Pastor retorts, “It is for this purpose that I
talk every Sunday to the people. I wish
to bring peace and comfort to the masses, to transform their thinking into the
thinking like Christ did. I want to
teach peace, and not the divisive kind of talk that I’m hearing now,
frankly. I think that people should be
respectful that I have a genuine desire to help those in need and that I do the
best to encourage people people in their lives and not to pick on the little
stuff. “
“Well you
talk a good talk, just like that Obama creep.
All talk. What matters is your
performance here, and it is sadly lacking in my opinion,” chimed in Mr. Everson. “We will have a vote and we will see you next
Wednesday night, OK?” “OK.” Stated Nathan.
As Nathan
left the room, not one person made eye contact. He left out the side door and closed the
door very carefully behind him. He
climbed into his Toyota Prius and heard the slamming of doors in the
distance. The radio station was on
Wisconsin Public Radio and some person was talking about how plywood was
made. Being bored by that right
away, Nathan turned the radio off and
preferred to be surrounded by the silence of his own thoughts and peace with
God. He glanced over to the passenger seat and saw that his GPS was
on the floor. He decided to leave it
there because it always seems to come off the inside of the windshield and the
suction cup didn’t work very well at all.
Just to the edge of the seat there was a pink post-it note. He did
not use pink post-it notes and found this rather odd. It was written in blue pen…
Meet me at Starbucks I have some
questions. Nina
Wow is that
strange, thought Nathan. He had
remembered how he and his friend Tim had had some interesting discussions at
Starbucks about abiding in Jesus’s love and what Christ said about
patience. He had forgotten about those
discussions as they were five years ago already, but remembered a general sense
of satisfaction about helping Tim at a critical time of his life, as he was
battling addiction issues. Maybe Nina was a friend of Tim’s or something
or a wife of a church member he was failing to remember. It was odd that someone would leave a note in
his car like this. He thought he had
locked his Prius before coming to the meeting. Starbucks was next to Highway 41 which was
close to the road home, so he rationalized that he needed a cup of coffee after
the stress of the day.
As he entered
the Starbucks, he noticed a fairly crowded scene and Yusuf Islam music playing
over the speakers. There were students
with laptops, a man with a goatee in his mid-50’s looking very professorial,
and a couple of rough looking young people looking like they were fresh from an
Occupy Wall Street protest. One of the
young people had a sword on his forearm and the other had a ring through his
lip donning a sweatshirt with a skull on it.
They appeared to be angry about some political issue. For the most part the scene was peaceful and
the smell of caramel coffee and of grounding beans provided and excellent olfactory
experience. As his
eyes turned to the right side of the room, there was only one chair left. A thin Afro-American woman sat on one side
and had a lap top on the table. His
eyes met hers and they were such warm eyes.
“Anyone sitting here?” “No.”
said the woman, who reached for her coffee.
She was in probably her early 30’s and she was a very intense looking
woman. She greeted him by saying “Namaste.” “Namaste,”
replied our main character.
“My name is Nina.” Chills crept up Nathan’s spine as a fire would climb up a dry pine tree. “You’re Nina?” “Yes, I am,” gracefully came from her lips. Her welcoming eyes looked right at him, stating, “We are the way, the hope and the life. You had a tough meeting back there. There are some folks who don’t understand you and believe that you are trying to trick them. I know that to be far from the truth.” Nathan was starting to get scared. My would a woman he doesn’t even know be following him? “Were you tailing me from the meeting? You left that note to screw with me didn’t you? I don’t need this today!” Nathan is now raising his voice and the guy with the tattoo is looking in his direction with some anger. “Calm down. I’m not here to hurt you but to empathize with you and to assure you that I’m always with you, more so in times of trouble.” The mysterious person went on describing Nathan’s own life to him from childhood and in less than two minutes he was driven to tears. A Starbucks employee came by and said, “Is this woman bothering you sir?” He shook his head no.
“My name is Nina.” Chills crept up Nathan’s spine as a fire would climb up a dry pine tree. “You’re Nina?” “Yes, I am,” gracefully came from her lips. Her welcoming eyes looked right at him, stating, “We are the way, the hope and the life. You had a tough meeting back there. There are some folks who don’t understand you and believe that you are trying to trick them. I know that to be far from the truth.” Nathan was starting to get scared. My would a woman he doesn’t even know be following him? “Were you tailing me from the meeting? You left that note to screw with me didn’t you? I don’t need this today!” Nathan is now raising his voice and the guy with the tattoo is looking in his direction with some anger. “Calm down. I’m not here to hurt you but to empathize with you and to assure you that I’m always with you, more so in times of trouble.” The mysterious person went on describing Nathan’s own life to him from childhood and in less than two minutes he was driven to tears. A Starbucks employee came by and said, “Is this woman bothering you sir?” He shook his head no.
“Why have you
come Nina? Are you God?” The woman in the colorful African clothing
just stared into his eyes again and the pastor was transfixed with the
compassion in her eyes and her physical
manifestation and demonstration of Namaste.
“I have some questions for you. I
want to ask you about the world, how it was made, who created the
big-bang, why was I born now, why did
you create human beings?” There were
so many questions, pastor was feeling manic trying to get them all out in a
coherent manner. “Was Jesus a real
person?” “Yes, he was very
human. I was so saddened when he asked
why I had forsaken him. At that point,
my love for him and the human race could not have been greater. The crucifixion was the saddest day for me
because I know how much Jesus loves me.
The people clearly did not have any idea what they were doing when they
killed my boy. I’m getting ready to
send another person out to the world and she is a girl. Maybe human kind will get the message this
time.“
“You’re going
to send a woman to die?” replied a
stunned Nathan. “Not necessarily. We’ll see how it plays out. She may end up at a mental hospital. There are a lot of ways it could play
out. I plan for my daughter to be autistic
and capable of savant skills that are truly out of this world. We’ll let the world judge whether it is a
miracle or if it is just brain chemistry.” As Nathan absorbed the powerful spirituality emanating from her visage, he noticed that she was the spitting image of Nina Simone in her 30's...about the time when she recorded "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood." Wow, thought Nathan, Double-wow.
"Why would you look like Nina Simone?" "There are a number of reasons of why I would portray myself to you in this fashion." "But you could have been a gray bearded guy or somebody looking like Charles Colson. Why this image??" Compassion, equality, the magic of music and peace and love for starters. I also wanted to challenge your tradition conceptions of God, to open up your mind a little. I could have come as Richard Dawkins, Chris Hitchens or Carl Sagan. Would that have been as good, I think NOT."
